Got what I deserved

I woke up Sunday morning to a visitor. Not depression, but her annoying sibling, Angina. That's what I'm nicknaming her. She is that monthly pest who brings with her cramps, cravings and a pissy mood. I used my last cigarette (see below*) to smoke but knew it would only hold me over for a couple of hours. The first two days Angina is here I almost have to chain smoke.
So I go to church. Make huge efforts to listen and learn. Teach my class on the fly b/c my team teacher forgot it was her turn, and then, it all went South.
Angina got very demanding! I was past the need for another cigarette, I had cramps beyond my ability to cope with (my too-tight slimmer wasn't helping matters) and I was STARVING! I should have said a prayer and just made it a fast because I knew I had NO and I mean NO groceries in my house. After Spring break and a trip out of town we were down to hot chocolate and Ramen.
So here's what I did. Went home. Went potty. Drove to Jen's. She had no cigarettes but I did find Midol so I took two. I drove to Sonic, ordered a breakfast taco and large Coke. Scarfed it. Drove straight to Shipley's. I asked him what kind of cake donuts they had.
Now this Shipley's guy and I are buddies. We see each other 2-3 times a week. He hooks me up with all the inside info. And so, on this particular Sunday, he said some of the sweetest words that I have ever heard. He said (add a Spanish accent) "Mam, perhaps you should try our buttermilk cake donut with glaze."

UM......................WHAT? That sounds amazing!

I cannot order fast enough! Give me two of these delectable treats!
He did.
And let me just tell you. Well, actually, words cannot describe.
This donut was so amazing. It was the moistest, lightest texture. It was fluffy and yet dense. It was perfectly glazed, not too heavy, not too light. I could not inhale it fast enough. I ran out of time to eat the other. I had to drive back to church and get my family. And so I did. I hid the remnants of my spoils, of course.


But once home, I made a B-line for my bedroom, locked the door, and began to savor my second buttermilk donut. Just then, Jared knocked. "What are ya' doing"? Why is the door locked?" I'm chewing like crazy, trying to clear my throat to answer, "Nothing!"
I let him in. I show him the donut. There's no hiding anything from Jared. Now there is about two bites left of this donut. And Jared doesn't even like donuts all that much. But he asked me for a bite! How could he? I only had two bites left! I could barely stand the thought of parting with even one of my last two bites! I broke off the tiniest of pieces, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by him, and reluctantly handed it over. His big eyeballs lit up. His exact words were, "That is a damn good donut!"
"I know!" I responded and quickly crammed the last bite into my mouth.

So needless to say I have thought of almost nothing else since. I'm dreaming in donut. Yesterday I was on the go all day and resisted the temptation, but today was all I could stand. So I asked Sarah to pick me up a large amount of buttermilk cake donuts with glaze and bring them by. She brought, not the donuts, but news that they only serve such donuts on the weekend. WHAT!?!?!?!? I have never even heard of this practice! In all my years of serious donut consumption how could I have never known that this was practiced?!? I pondered this travesty while I ate my second-rate chocolate donuts Sarah was nice enough to bring.
So there you have it. Due to my blatant disregard for the Sabbath, I am now addicted to something that I can barely, rarely have. I know I can stock up on Saturdays, but lets face it, fresh donuts are distinctly different from their day-old counterparts. Keeping the Sabbath in mind, I truly have only one day a week that I can get my fix. Some of you may view this as a positive thing but I view it as nothing short of a tragedy. And just think, if I had never broken the Sabbath I would never have known these donuts existed. I guess I got what I deserved. And I have no one to blame but myself.

*Early on in our marriage Jared nicknamed tampons cigarettes and refers to my period as when I need to smoke. I know, weird and gross. But it is convenient. He'll go to the store and I'll say,"Pick me up some cigarettes!" And he'll say "Virginia Slims or regulars?"