Where's Jared?

Got what I deserved

I woke up Sunday morning to a visitor. Not depression, but her annoying sibling, Angina. That's what I'm nicknaming her. She is that monthly pest who brings with her cramps, cravings and a pissy mood. I used my last cigarette (see below*) to smoke but knew it would only hold me over for a couple of hours. The first two days Angina is here I almost have to chain smoke.
So I go to church. Make huge efforts to listen and learn. Teach my class on the fly b/c my team teacher forgot it was her turn, and then, it all went South.
Angina got very demanding! I was past the need for another cigarette, I had cramps beyond my ability to cope with (my too-tight slimmer wasn't helping matters) and I was STARVING! I should have said a prayer and just made it a fast because I knew I had NO and I mean NO groceries in my house. After Spring break and a trip out of town we were down to hot chocolate and Ramen.
So here's what I did. Went home. Went potty. Drove to Jen's. She had no cigarettes but I did find Midol so I took two. I drove to Sonic, ordered a breakfast taco and large Coke. Scarfed it. Drove straight to Shipley's. I asked him what kind of cake donuts they had.
Now this Shipley's guy and I are buddies. We see each other 2-3 times a week. He hooks me up with all the inside info. And so, on this particular Sunday, he said some of the sweetest words that I have ever heard. He said (add a Spanish accent) "Mam, perhaps you should try our buttermilk cake donut with glaze."

UM......................WHAT? That sounds amazing!

I cannot order fast enough! Give me two of these delectable treats!
He did.
And let me just tell you. Well, actually, words cannot describe.
This donut was so amazing. It was the moistest, lightest texture. It was fluffy and yet dense. It was perfectly glazed, not too heavy, not too light. I could not inhale it fast enough. I ran out of time to eat the other. I had to drive back to church and get my family. And so I did. I hid the remnants of my spoils, of course.


But once home, I made a B-line for my bedroom, locked the door, and began to savor my second buttermilk donut. Just then, Jared knocked. "What are ya' doing"? Why is the door locked?" I'm chewing like crazy, trying to clear my throat to answer, "Nothing!"
I let him in. I show him the donut. There's no hiding anything from Jared. Now there is about two bites left of this donut. And Jared doesn't even like donuts all that much. But he asked me for a bite! How could he? I only had two bites left! I could barely stand the thought of parting with even one of my last two bites! I broke off the tiniest of pieces, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by him, and reluctantly handed it over. His big eyeballs lit up. His exact words were, "That is a damn good donut!"
"I know!" I responded and quickly crammed the last bite into my mouth.

So needless to say I have thought of almost nothing else since. I'm dreaming in donut. Yesterday I was on the go all day and resisted the temptation, but today was all I could stand. So I asked Sarah to pick me up a large amount of buttermilk cake donuts with glaze and bring them by. She brought, not the donuts, but news that they only serve such donuts on the weekend. WHAT!?!?!?!? I have never even heard of this practice! In all my years of serious donut consumption how could I have never known that this was practiced?!? I pondered this travesty while I ate my second-rate chocolate donuts Sarah was nice enough to bring.
So there you have it. Due to my blatant disregard for the Sabbath, I am now addicted to something that I can barely, rarely have. I know I can stock up on Saturdays, but lets face it, fresh donuts are distinctly different from their day-old counterparts. Keeping the Sabbath in mind, I truly have only one day a week that I can get my fix. Some of you may view this as a positive thing but I view it as nothing short of a tragedy. And just think, if I had never broken the Sabbath I would never have known these donuts existed. I guess I got what I deserved. And I have no one to blame but myself.

*Early on in our marriage Jared nicknamed tampons cigarettes and refers to my period as when I need to smoke. I know, weird and gross. But it is convenient. He'll go to the store and I'll say,"Pick me up some cigarettes!" And he'll say "Virginia Slims or regulars?"

Gotta Love Modern Medicine

Proof my meds are working:

1) I drove to the medical center, during rush hour, in the pouring rain, with Harris in the car asking me his same 5 questions, and.....I WAS FINE! I wasn't the least bit anxious. No white knuckles gripping the steering wheel, and no heart palpitations! I felt very calm and in control. Wow. Whole new feeling.

2) I've had a gazillion kids in my messy house all week to celebrate spring break with my kids and I've actually enjoyed it! I haven't stressed about the sound, sight or smell of my house. I haven't felt like I wanted to shut myself into my bedroom and hide or kick them all out. I've actually felt great joy in hanging out with my kids who are at a really great age, and their friends, who are some really great kids. I even joined in on some dancing and water fighting! It has been a blast! Wow! Joy! What a feeling!


3) I did some research on how to certify as a group fitness instructor and.....I was FINE! I didn't get all overwhelmed and start to panic that I needed to read every stitch of information ever written on the subject. I didn't let the long list of requirements knock the wind out of my sails. I didn't feel a sudden need to make it my whole life and be the best at it or anything. I didn't have an idenity crisis about where and how this would fit into my life. I was just able to reasearch something that interests me, and that could benefit my family, and take it all in stride! WOW! What a concept!


Yay for me! Yay for my drug dealer! Yay for medication! Yay for the Lord!
I still have a ways to go, but I have come so far!

Chain letter--kinda

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

I think I am the 5th winner on Laura's blog so now I must seal my win by posting this on my blog. I will give a handmade gift to the first five people who comment here and then agree to post this on their blog and carry on the homemade craziness. If you are far away, never fear! I am willing to ship it!

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. It'll be done this year. Hopefully sooner than later.
3. You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be sewn, scrapbooky, baked, or it may be something totally random that I come up with on a whim. Who knows? Not you - until you receive your gift!
4. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? The catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. Let's get those homemade gifts going! So, the first 5 people to leave a comment telling me they are doing it also, will receive a gift - made with my two hands! (Although you may be taking your chances with that...)Be sure to post pictures of what you won when you recieve it!

Improvisation

Ethan is my eternal optimist. I find it so endearing, yet he gets it from Jared so I know one day his wife will find it annoying and opposed to reality.

Anyway, today he and his friends on the street wanted to have a Lemonade stand.

His question: Do we have any lemonade mix?

My answer: No.

His solution: Make it from scratch with lemon juice, sugar and water.

His question: Do we have any posterboard?

My answer: No.

His solution: Write a sign on the back of a used piece of notebook paper.

His question: Do we have any paper cups?

My answer: No.

His solution: He put the lemonade in ziploc bags and sold them with toothpicks for popping the bag open and drinking.

A Poem

I am trying like hell

to get mentally well.

-Liz Pabst


It is so worth it and yet so incredibly frustrating. I sometimes wonder if there is even a point. I really feel one of my callings in life is to help people with a similar plight so my perserverence is to prevent me from being a hypocite once I get that degree and preach to the choir (for money, no less) It's like my favorite guy on my favorite show, Intervention. His name is Ken Seely and I have a wicked crush on him. Anyway some stupid girl addicted to Crystal Meth was running her mouth at him and told him he knew nothing about Crystal Meth and then he told her he had overcome a five year addiction to it. It was awesome.

So I'm just starting to notice a little less anxiety but of course it comes with a price. The price is typically the price of the drugs which I have managed to keep at a decent minimum in spite of my horrible health insurance. The other price is side effects and I am paying big time! My sleep is so crazy. I cannot sleep at night and I sleep all day. Many of you are probably thinking,"Is that all? That's my life everyday!" And as soon as I determine that this is the best my drugs will get, I will surrender to it being my life everyday as well. Then I can make needed adjustments. These adjustments will most likely be called: sleep all day and stay up all night, but somehow through His grace still manage to take care of my kids and calling.

Don't let me depress you. I am just venting. My day was actually pretty productive. I went to Sarah's and took care of Minni so Sarah could move furniture and switch around the kids' rooms. I can only describe my time with Minni as utter elation. She is so precious and cute and good for my soul. I came home and got most of my laundrey done. That's a big deal because it takes an entire day to clean ALL of our laundrey but I prefer to do it all at once for some strange reason. (I think I'm into self-torture) I made dinner and my kids even ate it. They all got their homework done and the boys took a bath. I didn't feel nearly as anxious as I normally do when the soapy water slides down my arms onto my elbows(I hate this feeling!) I typically feel lots of angst and anxiety during all evening duties. Dinner, baths, homework, chores, scriptures, prayer, Harris' mace, these all typically stress me out and land me on the couch by 9:30 never to move until morning. Seriously, I won't wash my face or brush my teeth or get undressed or anything...I will just crash. It's quite ridiculous really. When Jared doesn't do the same thing he will carry me to bed. But we can often be found on the couches, fully dressed, with all the lights on, asleep. Whacked, I know.

But tonight, I didn't feel so anxious and annoyed. It is a sign of improvement. We also had family night and it was very succesful, and hilarious.
I read them a book that is put out by a member of the church about where babies come from. I try to educate them alot about this stuff because the world they live in is CONSTANTLY educating them incorrectly. I'll just give you one great phrase out of each of my babes' mouths.

Faith: Mom! When do you and Dad do that? Is it when we are ASLEEP? (Add to this the look of utter betrayal)

Ethan: Mom, the correct word for penis is bladder.

Harris: Can we talk about something besides weenies? (I NEVER used that word by the way.)

ALL THA LADIES!!

Sorry I've been absent. As an update, the mouse has been caught (by Jared!) and the Bachelor is an idiot!

Tonight is that special night of the month where all the gals get together for grub and gab. This time it will be at Potbelly's Sandwich shop. It is across from Panera bread on HWY 6 near Target. The word on the street is that it is absolutely delicious. Hope to see ya'll there!