Insult to Injury

A few weeks ago, I was out running and I came around the corner to find a guy with his pants unzipped peeing! He turned (he was facing the chain-link fence he was peeing through) and saw me and looked completely horrified. He immediately started apologizing profusely. Without even breaking my stride I yelled out, "Don't worry! I'm not wearing my glasses!" What the hell kinda thing is that to say? I really was trying to relay that I am blind as a bat without my glasses and could hardly tell what was actually happening until his pants were up, but I might as well have said, "Don't worry! I don't have my magnifying glass!"

Look what I can do!

Harris has always had trouble walking down stairs and as a result, usually just slides down on his butt. He has had physical therapists who work repeatedly on helping him use a handrail and walk down the stairs, a much more socially acceptable and feasible way. The other day, he decided to master this skill all on his own!
p.s-He dresses himself and his clothes are always on inside-out.

Southern Hospitality: Meet Rhoda

Southern Hospitality: Meet Rhoda

Do I really look that much better?

Okay. I really need honest feedback. I just got back from a Mary Kay "facial". The translation--a full on bamboozling. I know everyone and their pup knows this. But there's this sweet old lady from the gym that I just couldn't say no to one more time. Lesson learned.

Mary Kay Talk:

"I see you have quite a bit of puffiness and discoloration in you undereye area (repeated three times).

Translation:

You better buy this undereye cream, and specialized undereye serum right away. It will cost you a mere $50.00. You'll never suspect it's just moiusturizer in a fancy tube with a confusing name that makes you think it has special powers.

Mary Kay Talk:

We are so glad Liz is here tonight. We'd like to invite her up to tell a little about herself.

Translation:

Liz, will you please come up here and share personal information that we will analyze in order to find an "in" to guilt or trick you into selling Mary Kay?

Mary Kay Talk:

We just wanna know one thing, Do you realy wanna pay full price for your products tonight?

Translation:

If you want to get a discount on your products tonight then you have to join Mary Kay. Thats the only way each one of us here tonight can get a little richer everytime you push yourself on your friends and capitalize on their inability to say the word no.

All I wanna know is. Does my makeup really look that much better than when I do it with my non-Mary Kay products? Be honest.
Hope I didn't insult anyone, but I'm so over businesses that make their money off putting people in uncomfortable situations. I'm proud to report that I left without buying a single thing. But, my old lady friend Mary is expecting to call me in a couple weeks for a follow-up facial. Who the hell needs a follow-up to a facial?

Follow-up facial=bamboozle attempt #2

no=no I'm ready to get ugly!