I am trying like hell
to get mentally well.
-Liz Pabst
It is so worth it and yet so incredibly frustrating. I sometimes wonder if there is even a point. I really feel one of my callings in life is to help people with a similar plight so my perserverence is to prevent me from being a hypocite once I get that degree and preach to the choir (for money, no less) It's like my favorite guy on my favorite show, Intervention. His name is Ken Seely and I have a wicked crush on him. Anyway some stupid girl addicted to Crystal Meth was running her mouth at him and told him he knew nothing about Crystal Meth and then he told her he had overcome a five year addiction to it. It was awesome.
So I'm just starting to notice a little less anxiety but of course it comes with a price. The price is typically the price of the drugs which I have managed to keep at a decent minimum in spite of my horrible health insurance. The other price is side effects and I am paying big time! My sleep is so crazy. I cannot sleep at night and I sleep all day. Many of you are probably thinking,"Is that all? That's my life everyday!" And as soon as I determine that this is the best my drugs will get, I will surrender to it being my life everyday as well. Then I can make needed adjustments. These adjustments will most likely be called: sleep all day and stay up all night, but somehow through His grace still manage to take care of my kids and calling.
Don't let me depress you. I am just venting. My day was actually pretty productive. I went to Sarah's and took care of Minni so Sarah could move furniture and switch around the kids' rooms. I can only describe my time with Minni as utter elation. She is so precious and cute and good for my soul. I came home and got most of my laundrey done. That's a big deal because it takes an entire day to clean ALL of our laundrey but I prefer to do it all at once for some strange reason. (I think I'm into self-torture) I made dinner and my kids even ate it. They all got their homework done and the boys took a bath. I didn't feel nearly as anxious as I normally do when the soapy water slides down my arms onto my elbows(I hate this feeling!) I typically feel lots of angst and anxiety during all evening duties. Dinner, baths, homework, chores, scriptures, prayer, Harris' mace, these all typically stress me out and land me on the couch by 9:30 never to move until morning. Seriously, I won't wash my face or brush my teeth or get undressed or anything...I will just crash. It's quite ridiculous really. When Jared doesn't do the same thing he will carry me to bed. But we can often be found on the couches, fully dressed, with all the lights on, asleep. Whacked, I know.
But tonight, I didn't feel so anxious and annoyed. It is a sign of improvement. We also had family night and it was very succesful, and hilarious.
I read them a book that is put out by a member of the church about where babies come from. I try to educate them alot about this stuff because the world they live in is CONSTANTLY educating them incorrectly. I'll just give you one great phrase out of each of my babes' mouths.
Faith: Mom! When do you and Dad do that? Is it when we are ASLEEP? (Add to this the look of utter betrayal)
Ethan: Mom, the correct word for penis is bladder.
Harris: Can we talk about something besides weenies? (I NEVER used that word by the way.)
